I'm currently reading ABBA'S CHILD by Brennan Manning, and if you are at all a reader, I highly highly suggest picking it up. Its a simple read, but I find myself re-reading the same paragraph 10-12 times letting it truly soak in.
Ive recently been through some turmoil with business, life, relationships, you name it - I've messed it up over the past 12 months. One of my gifts is my self-awareness, but the shadow side of that gift is, I take even my slightest mishaps, mistakes, and failures to heart... and they eat me alive from the inside.
A few of my recent blunders left me not liking who I saw in the mirror in the morning. I didn't see a beloved child of God, or a guy just trying to do his best, all i saw was failure, guilt, shame, and all the other things that make me (in my head) unlovable.
But through reading this book, it's allowed me to rediscover, maybe for the first time, my true identity as a BELOVED child of God.
You see - in the hustle-and-bustle of the world, we lose sight of our calling, of our nature. We lose sight of the creator, and all the sudden we find ourselves chasing the things of the world that we think will bring us purpose. We lose sight of the longing to discover the identity of who we really are.
And I've come to realize we will never be satisfied by the things of this world. Our grasping and clawing for the acceptance and understanding of this world is the source of all our discontent. Instead, the TRUTH is, my identity, your identity, the identity of our world rests solely in one place: Gods relentless tenderness for us.
I try to do my best to live in this controlled frenzy, creating an illusion of a well-ordered and put-together existence, but it just doesn't work. I move from crisis to crisis, responding to whats "urgent" but at the same time, neglecting what is essential. I parade around with masks on, pretending like its all ok - but it just leaves me feeling like I am on one of those automated sidewalks at the airport.
In this existence, the fire in my heart dies out.
But here is the cool part - If I was perfect, and put-together, and neat, and clean, and well-ordered, I would have no need for God.
Its in that understanding where the power of Christ truly comes alive for me. It's in my brokenness, in my powerlessness, where He has made himself strong.
Its through my vulnerability, not my strength where He steps in and is able to shine. Its in my admittance that I am weak and in my doubting faith, that God has given me faith.
Its in my brokenness, where I am able to see and identify with the brokenness of others.
Ministry, Business, Life, is about sharing, not dominating, understanding, not theologizing, caring, not fixing.
I just keep hearing this voice saying "I love you. I created you. I am proud of you. You are my beloved." And for some strange reason that seems to be enough.