There are three “what if” questions I’ve been kicking around lately. And they’re changing the way I do relationships. I’d share them with you and I hope they bring as much hope to you as they do to me.

Here they are.

First, what if we are not in competition with the people around us?

What if we are just supposed to connect with people and enjoy? By this I mean what if all the comparing could be replaced with connecting? There’s something hidden, unspoken and even a little confusing within me that compares myself to others.

I’d like for that to go away and I’m working on that.

It’s been helpful and enjoyable to simply realize my life has been blessed, I deserve none of what I’ve been given, and there will always be people with more than me and people with less.

Second, what if relationships are meant to be enjoyed, not fixed?

This question is so freeing. What if when I’m with a friend the only thing I’m supposed to do is enjoy the relationship?

I’m a builder by nature. I want to change everything and make it better. But the problem is, other people don’t belong to me. I don’t get to change them. I can inspire them or encourage them and even rebuke them but it’s not my responsibility to change them.

And, in fact, people have been given to us by God for our enjoyment.

There are, of course, unsafe people, but I’m talking about those people we enjoy as friends and family. I want to start replacing my “fix” response with an “enjoy” response and just let people be themselves.

Finally, what if I am a gift to people they way they are to me?

I tend to think most of my friends are more amazing than I am. They are more kind, more giving, more talented and seem to offer me more than I offer them.

But what if this isn’t true?

What if I am just as encouraging to my friends as they are to me? What if I believed that and lived into it and owned it and allowed for that reality to encourage me and make me an even more gracious and kind gift to the people around me?

What If I could give as well as receive?

These are three questions I’ve been asking when it comes to my relationships. What about you?

What questions have you been asking?

- Donald Miller

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