(TRIGGER WARNING) In our semi-annual 75 tips on how to be a man, I'm not going to hold back on a new list of items which I've learned this year as to what a real man looks like, talks like, and acts like.
You see, the majority of Men today in their 20’s and 30’s are lost. There is a distinct cognitive dissonance, (ie: the tension in your brain) about the boy you are, and the man you want to become. Most 18-34 year old guys feel like lost little boys who are trapped inside a Mans body. Feeling completely confused, unprepared, and typically refusing to think about things like, family, career, moral / fiscal / and civic responsibilities.
Spending their time drown out, somewhere between trying to get pictures from girls on Snapchat, lying to yourself, (about yourself) on Tinder, or pretending you made a million dollars off of bitcoin (which we know you are lying about) the men of today float around from rental to rental, spending more money on festival tickets than they do their girlfriends Christmas present. This is the man of today. And the saddest part – its almost completely acceptable.
Granted - no matter what I say, there will always be those people who look at these articles as sexist, some as flattering, some as nonsense, and some as inspiring. The American Culture is, I believe, robbed of its manliness. “Masculinity” has become a dirty word, and sadly, we live in a culture where your AGE determines if you are a man - not your ACTIONS.
So where do we turn?
The movies tell us that the Men in which women desire the most, are sparkling glittery vampires, abusive sex addict billionaires, or worse - we've become normalized by the amount of memes produced involving the term "fuckboi" which is now somehow common place and widely relateable.
The magazines tell us that Men have no body hair, and are all chiseled Greek Gods.
Tumblr (still) tells us that real Men have beards, and if you shave, well then - you are just a pussy.
But the real world, the world I live in, in which we actually live and breath and exist - as far as I can see, unfortunately, it tells us Men are simply… Missing.
My great friend JR Galardi says you become a man once your own father passes away, and I actually think its a truer statement than most, only because in comparison, that requires some action, some stepping up to the plate.
So below is my attempt to help give some tips, tricks, and advice, in what the last 31 years of life has taught me what a real Man is.
RUCKUS 75 TIPS ON HOW TO BE A MAN, 2017:
- A man listens to what he likes to listen to, regardless of the crowd or whats popular. Whether that's podcasts, sad boy jams, Celine Dion, or the spice girls - His taste in music is unwavering and unapologetic.
- A man pulls the chair out for his woman on dates, whether it’s their first date or their 100th.
- A man drinks black coffee. No milk. No sugar.
- A man walks first and opens the door for his woman. Not because she cant open it for herself, but because she deserves to enter every room first.
- A man isn't afraid to fake using chopsticks (even though he knows they are irrational in a modern world)
- A man does not bitch about his feelings on Facebook. Some of the happiest and most fulfilled men I know are the least active on social media.
- Men don’t need a pansy or fancy cup to drink beer out of. Drinking it straight from the can will not kill you.
- Men wake up before 7am.
- Men keep a journal daily.
- A real man takes responsibility for themselves and for others. I have never met a man I respected who didn't take responsibility for what he had, did, or said.
- Real men give up the comparison game. You will never live your story if you are too busy trying to live someone elses.
- Men do not fight their kids’ battles for them. A man lets his kids scrape their knees, lets them get stitches.
- Men do not email their kids teachers when they fail a test; they ground their children and teach them the importance of studying harder.
- A Man has seen the movies Tombstone, Dead Poets Society, and 300, and quotes all of them frequently.
- A Man understands that life is NOT fair, and understands that winners and losers are necessary in the game of life. A man throws away all PARTICIPATION awards and ribbons. There is no prize for just showing up.
- A Man understands that you will never get a job based off your resume alone, you must forget about what your pedigree says. At the end of the day, its just words on paper – what matters is how to present and sell themselves well in real life.
- One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.
- A man takes care of the people who take care of him. Treat everyone with the utmost respect, from taxi drivers to parking attendants to the bartender.
- If you can’t afford to tip – stay home.
- A man knows how to tie a necktie AND a bowtie.
- A man own Pets they aren't ashamed of.
- A man never-ever dates an ex of your friend. And, if you have a friend that dates your ex – he was never really your friend.
- A man has had enough drinks in his life that when the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink. And if you dont drink, a real man isnt afraid to order a Shirley Temple in a crowded bar.
- When in doubt, a Man ALWAYS kisses the girl.
- A real man knows how to build a campfire. Even when the wood is damp.
- Men do not dream. They plan.
- A Man takes time to appreciate nice things, and is responsible enough to not to lose them.
- A Man takes at least one cold shower a week. It teaches you self-discipline, and helps remind yourself that are not a pussy.
- Real men should enjoy a good Sunday brunch with friends at least once a month.
- Men do not get cheap haircuts. Spend the extra money and get a proper shave at least 3 times a year. And go to a real barbershop where they bust your balls. Bring your kids there as well, allow your kids to get their balls busted too.
- A man knows how to gut a fish. With a knife.
- Its honorable to aspire to become successful and wealthy, but at the same time, a Man always understands that he is still better off than most who have ever lived and is generous with all he has.
- A man knows that anything worth having is worth working hard for. Shortcuts and free rides have no place in a mans world. You only get what you give, and rightly so.
- Becoming “RICH” is a moving target that you can never achieve. Do not base your decisions around financial gain, but instead around the quality of your life and the relationships involved.
- All the money in the world doesn’t compare to having a beautiful girl on your arm. Focus more on her – and less on the money.
- Never split a check with a woman. Not because she can’t pay on her own, but because she is valuable, and you want to take care of her.
- A man is open-minded but firm in his beliefs. Principles are always held onto and respected, whether they’re his own or others’.
- Men know how to disagree without disrespecting. Whether its faith, religion, politics, education, or anything else - A real man should know how to converse and disagree without making you feel lesser than.
- Real men don't hit, abuse, or take advantage of women or children. Ever. EVER.
- When a bartender buys you a round, always tip double.
- A man should carry enough self respect to mean what he says, and say what he means. Men do not subtweet, doublespeak, or make people read between the lines – a man is open about his thoughts, feelings, and expectations all the time.
- A man apologizes when he is wrong.
- A Man understands that Piercings are major liabilities in fights. So are untied shoes and drop-crotch pants.
- Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.
- Throw parties. Then actually be a host – Men recognize that the party is never really about you, its about building bridges and community within the safety of your walls.
- Measure yourself only against your previous self. The mirror is what should ALWAYS provide you with your biggest competition.
- Take more pictures. With a real camera, and a woman on your arm. Save Them. Never take selfies.
- When you have kids - make sure they know how to protect themselves. A good 1-2 combo goes a long way as a kid.
- When you truly admire the work of artists, writers, and musicians - tell them. And then spend money to acquire their work.
- Staying angry is a waste of energy.
- “Please forgive me, I was wrong” is how a Man apologizes. NOT “I’m sorry”.
- Always bring a bottle of something to the party; Preferably whiskey.
- Avoid that “last” whiskey. You’ve probably had enough.
- Date women outside your social set. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
- If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works. Actually, if you believe in ANYTHING, you should know how it works.
- Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is now settling with you.
- A man enjoys being alone, driving alone or even movies alone are some of the most needed and relaxing times. Learn to enjoy yourself when alone.
- Never ever stop going on dates with your wife.
- Ignore the boos when they come from someone in a lower tax bracket. Pay attention to them when coming from someone in a higher tax bracket.
- Don’t gamble if losing $100 is going to piss you off.
- Never Ever Play the victim.
- Know the rules of chess and bocci. Play both frequently, while at the same time not losing your edge if someone challenges you in Mortal Combat.
- Do something once a day that scares you. No one was ever remembered for being comfortable.
- Honesty, really is the best policy.
- When choosing what cologne to buy – always let the girl pick, and stick with it.
- Have a mentor in your life that you can really trust to call you out on your bullshit.
- Go to Church.
- Make your own decisions and then have the courage to own up to them if they don’t pan out.
- Be a broken record when communicating what is important to you. In business – Life, Relationships, Children, etc.
- Break a sweat at least 5 times a week.
- What you say really does matter. Choose your words wisely, especially when talking to a female or child
- Surround yourself with friends that are smarter than you are.
- As the Man Tyler Durden says – “You are not your fucking khakis”. Where you work, and what you wear, have nothing to do with “who you are”.
- Know how to tie a good knot.
- Know how to swim.
- Know how to drive a stick-shift.
- Travel. Not for the instagram picture, but so you can learn and expand your knowledge of culture and experience life from someone else’s perspective.
- Know how to wear jewelry properly.
- Whenever you can, support small business: from auto repair shops, to tailors, to grocery stores.
- Drinking tap water will not kill you.
- A man is comfortable with the uncomfortable. Rise up and step out of the comfort zone.
- Do something nice for a stranger at least once a week.
- Learn the names of your immediate neighbors. Get together with them at least once a summer.
- Own a good leather jacket, maybe even two.
- Learn how to tell a good story. Your children and your grandchildren will appreciate it.
- Holidays are more about giving than receiving. Look to serve your community on large holidays when the need is at its highest.
- Always make sure your daughter knows how beautiful, smart, and worthy she is.
- Travel as far as you can, for as long as you can, as often as you can. Not to learn more about the world, but to learn more about yourself.
- Know how to ride a motorcycle.
- Read at least a book a month. Avoid the self-help section. That section is for women.
- Learn to act like the most confident man in the room, while understanding you are no better than anyone else.
- Be Humble.
- Always treat the woman you are with like she is the most beautiful girl in the room.
- Under Promise – Over Deliver.
- Don’t be afraid of confrontation, it’s is the only way we grow.
- A man knows how to cook a killer breakfast.
- A man knows how to rebuild things. If he doesn’t, he has the resilience to learn. Ie - engines, fortunes, relationships.
- A Man becomes brave not by thinking and studying bravery, but by acting it out daily.
- A man admittedly doesn’t know everything and understands the world is not black and white. If you have someone in your life that is a know-it-all, be very cautious when taking his or her advice.
- A man never stops going on adventures, and also teaches his kids to appreciate the wonder and excitement of a good Adventure.
- A man never makes a decision based on fear.
- A Man understands there really are no maps in life, and if someone hands you one – it is NOT yours.
- A Man can argue without raising his voice. He can take a stand without raising a fist. (A Man also knows when it becomes time to raise a fist, he often throws the first punch.)
- A man interrupts trouble. He stands up for what is right even when it does not concern him directly.
- Style — a man has that. He does not try to fit trends or stay young. He is established in his own right and has nothing to prove.
- A man understands that life happens fast, and that waiting for tomorrow is the worst thing you could do.
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